Do you ever get that feeling that someone is watching you. I do. I mean obviously, on stage, but that’s kind of obvious, no, I mean in every day life. I’ve blogged before about the visa process to get your admission ticket to the US. If there are any American citizens reading this (Hi, by the way) then you may not be aware that to get into your wonderful country we have to jump through hoops and queue in the rain for hours and then queue some more and then give fingerprints, then queue some more and then have a photo taken, queue, then smile and answer questions and fill in forms, then pay vast amounts of money to get a visa. If you are a man aged 18-45 you have a special supplementary form which asks questions such as, have you ever been involved in genocide and have you been involved in chemical training, or were you a member of the Nazi party in Germany?

Has anyone ever answered yes? Well actually, Chi our principal E flat clarinet player is a Doctor of Chemistry, so he answers yes, although genocide and fascism aren’t really his style. Anyway, we always go as groups of 10 or so which is supposed to speed things up, but actually slows things down. Well it does if Sharon is in your group anyway. I don’t want you to think she is disorganised, far from it, but every time she is in my group at the embassy, everything grinds to a halt. When we went a few weeks ago, it became clear why. The guy behind the glass asked for some more information on Sharon as her name is flagged up on their computers. It turns out that there are two other Sharon Williams who are on the FBI most wanted list. She assures me that she is neither of these people.

The point in this is that I had noticed a look of recognition on the audiences faces every time we played one of the encores on this trip. In fact as soon as the opening bars of the march from The Love of Thee Oranges started, people looked at one another and laughed. Now I know the concept of being in love with even one orange is a bit weird but it didn’t explain the reaction. Valery, having brought the orchestra and audience their feet several times, rushed back on stage, and in one sweeping movement he bowed, turned to face the orchestra and whipped his hands round like a discus thrower and launched the full fury of the trumpet section followed by stratospherically high oboes. It sounds angular and odd and not the kind of music to bring a smile to oneself. My sources tell me however, that the reason for this reaction is that it used to be used as a theme tune to a radio show about the FBI in peace and war. In the dark days of the cold war, I suppose the irony of a Russian conducting the FBI’s theme tune would have brought a shiver down certain sections of the audiences collective spine, but we’re all friends now. Sharon on the other hand, is quite clearly being kept under surveillance by dark forces. The long history of hidden codes in music, from Mozart’s three chord masonic calls, to Shostakovitch and his constant DSCH utterances is being continued in our encore. I’m sure I saw a couple of guys in suits and sunglasses reach for their earpieces as soon as they heard our signal. I’ve suggested Sharon starts checking into hotels under a false name and checking for bugs.

Interestingly, when we were in Chicago…er…was it only two days ago, I think, there was a notice backstage next to the CSO’s latest pay rise (You can buy the beers next time Mathieu) that had suggestions for repertoire. It had a long list of pieces that players had written down that they hoped would be played in the coming seasons. It was fascinating stuff. A lot of it was music that is standard rep in Britain, like Elgar and Vaughan Williams along with some other pieces and composers I had never heard of. I thought I’d leave a suggestion of my own. I wrote ‘The theme from Z Cars’.

If you go to see the Chicago Symphony next time they play in London, listen out for their encore just in case they use my suggestion. I can hear the satellite dishes at GCHQ bristling with anticipation already.